—Dana Scully, The X-Files (Never Again 4x13)
Now that Mary’s a widow, everyone’s misery might make Edith the happiest in the house, which alone makes me want to stop watching. But how can I continue to watch a show that revolved solely around my love of Dan Stevens and his portrayal of my modern-day-working-man Darcy, when he’s no longer on it? DAMN YOU STEVENS, DAMN YOU AND YOUR LOFTY HOLLYWOOD ASPIRATIONS. We want you to stay in England and do Masterpiece theater forever!
I couldn’t come up with much, but aside from Matthew, I think there are a few other kind of good reasons to sort of keep watching Downton.
1. Thomas- When did we start loving Thomas? Was it when he got injured in the war? Rejected by the new Calvin Klein model footman? No I think it was when he became sworn enemies with his one-time BFF, Bitchy O’Brien. Those two were like Romy and Michelle, then out of nowhere they turn on each other like the end of an M Night Shamalan movie. For real though, we’ve seen Thomas go through some really fucked up shit, and we love him because he’s so damn human!
2. Seeing Edith mess stuff up- What will she fuck up next? Will she wear another bad hat? Eat breakfast in bed for once? Turn on another married man? The possibilities are endless, and we can’t wait to see.
3. Banna- Now that I think about it, this is actually a reason NOT to watch, but still should be noted. I really do love when Mr. Bates smiles and he gets those little crinkly lines around his eyes cause he looks so cute. In like a Dad way though, I don’t want to see him make out with anyone, really. The Bates/Anna storyline is really tired, so let’s give it some warm milk and put it to rest.
4. Dowager- How amazing is it that she’ll eat the prostitute’s food though? If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is.
5. Carson’s astonishment with anything remotely progressive- Cause you can never have too many old white men who are frustrated with change.
6. That cute puppy- Because she’s so loyal to that asshat we like to call Daddy. And no matter where he goes, she’s the only one who seems to not get pissed off by him. Don’t get too close though puppy, he might doubt Dr. Clarkson when you’re about to give birth too. (Too soon?)
7. The possible gay romance- You felt it too?
8. Branson- Let’s be honest with each other, he’s the heartthrob of this damn show now. And he’s lookin’ for love, cause if you didn’t realize it, between the last two episodes more than a year has gone by, so that’s enough time to set his match.com profile to “widower”, right? He’s so cute and struggling with his identity and stuff and it’s just so endearing! I want to fix you, Branson, let me fix you!
9. Baby Cybil/Matthew jr- Because who doesn’t love tiny replicas of their deceased parents?
10. Rose- She seems like a strategic plot device, and kind of forced. But she does remind me of a young Kate Winslet (think Sense and Sensibility) which makes me like her a lot more. It’s cool that they’re blurring that boundary between city and country with this little young hotsy totsy. And Edith is gonna need someone to distract everyone while she’s out there messing her own shit up.
So there you have it. The 10 reasons that I might consider watching Downton Abbey in season 4 (or SERIES 4 if you want to get British with it). Do with it what you will, but honestly what do I have to live for now? Nothing much. I guess I’ll start watching Dance Moms.